Lately the topic of marriage has been on my mind heavily. Perhaps, because I just got married a little over 2 months ago? What I’ve learned over the past two months is that marriage is literally everything people say it is. It’s beautiful, it’s warm, it’s rewarding, it’s satisfying, but it also takes work… A lot of work. However, this post isn’t about my marriage at all. This is for the women in my age range (I’m 25) that have their eyes set on one particular goal – MARRIAGE.
So often I see Instagram and Facebook posts of wedding inspiration or cute families… I mean VERY often. Girls my age are ALWAYS talking about how they can’t wait till someone proposes to them, or “My husband better do this…” Please don’t get me wrong – it is VERY important to have goals and dreams. I am not saying to stop dreaming. What I am saying is that something as sacred as a husband, a marriage, a unity under God, can only be put together by the Lord himself. Women have to stop pressuring their man to propose, or pressuring themselves to fall in love with someone just for the idea of marriage. Are you ready for marriage? Why do you want to be married? What do you believe you will get out of it? Are you in love? How do you view love between you and your spouse? Are you willing to handle with care all that comes with marriage? Do you think you are capable of loving someone for better or for worse/unconditionally? Do you even love yourself unconditionally? These are important questions to ask yourself before seeking marriage or better yet seeking a man that you see fit to be your husband.
Lately I have been feeling like marriage is something that everyone dreams of but many probably aren’t ready for. I’m not discriminating either, both the man and the woman must be ready. For example; there is this one chick I follow on IG. She has been living with her boyfriend of 4 or more years for a while now and every now and then she goes back and forth between calling him “my boyfriend” and “my husband”.WHY? Why are you calling that man your husband when he has yet to even propose to you? Maybe he is not ready to marry you or anyone for that matter, hence why you are not engaged yet. PRESSURE. I’m sorry, but to me that just sounds ridiculous. That is the kind of pressure neither one of you need in life. Just be cool, pray on it, and let it happen according to God’s plan for your life!
Another example: I don’t know how many of you watch Black Ink Crew Chicago but there is a “receptionist” in the shop named Danielle who is trying to make things work with her on and off boyfriend. Now, shortly after them getting back together “officially” they decided to move in together. PRESSURE … for them both! As a lot of you may know, things change when you move in together and they are not always easy changes/transitions. Why would you put that kind of pressure on your newly patched relationship? Here is the thing that gets me about her… she kept calling him her “future fiancé.” OH MY GOD LORD HELP ME NOW! I am so glad the season went off because if I were to hear her say those words one more time I would have passed out. Future fiancé? This leads me to another word I had in mind – SETTLING. You are pressuring him in to proposing to you by saying “future fiancé” and you are settling by putting up with his BS because you just want SO badly to get that ring. Meanwhile you guys are arguing about unpacking your boxes while moving in among plenty of other stupid things. Well honey I have some news for you… There is a lot more work to be done even after you get that ring. The real commitment comes when the marriage takes place.
So let’s make this clear, you will NOT have a successful relationship let alone marriage if you are pressuring your man or if you are settling for less than what you truly deserve. How do I know this? I experienced it for myself! If you didn’t receive anything I said in this post, receive this… What God has for you is for you! Trust in him and allow him to guide you. Let him show you what it is he wants for you. When you let him take control of your life… baby you don’t even know how far you can truly go! Talk to God… Ask him who it is that he has chosen for you to marry. Allow him to choose the man for you instead of thinking you’ve got it all figured out. Do not try to change or groom a man to become husband material. It doesn’t work – TRUST ME, I know. In the meantime, follow your dreams and work on you and no one else but you. Build yourself up. Adjust your crown. Love yourself hard as hell! And when God’s timing rolls around, you will be rewarded. Never settle for less. Never feel pressured into doing what others around you are doing. JUST… BE… YOU.
Stay tuned for my next post on how I felt just like many other ladies on my timeline. I felt pressured into staying and I even settled for way less than what I knew I deserved. In my next post I’ll tell you all about how I went from that, to marrying the love of my life! Thanks for listening guys.